I HAVE a longing – honestly, a real longing – to own a dog.
How this has come about, I really don’t understand because I didn’t grow up in a dog-loving family and I haven’t kept any sort of pets so far in my life.
Well, perhaps it is because I am still single at the age of, ahem!, 45, despite my devastating good looks, that I have started to crave the company other species altogether.
Thanks, by the way, to the lady in West Kirby (who shall remain nameless) who sent me a belated Valentine card (the first I’ve had for 20 years) via someone who knew someone who knew where I drank in New Brighton – following my column ‘Love, gussets and the Emperor Tiberius’ (16 February), concerning my lack of romantic entanglements.
I’ll be wining and dining this game old gal soon. I’ve bought a new shirt for the occasion from Primark in Liscard and a bottle of aftershave, Superdrug economy blend. Classy or what.
But back to dogs. I have some thrilling news. Well, that is to say, an exciting canine opportunity has come my way, and I’d like readers of this newly minted cult blog to advise me what to do about it. Use the comment section at the bottom to do so.
You see, I was explaining my longing for canine company the other week to a regular in my local pub, Hell’s Waiting Room.
This fellow, who I know through the pub, told me he and his missus were desperate to find a good home for their young Yorkshire Terrier.
There was a snag, however … more about that in a while, but anyway I arranged to meet the mutt, whose name is Midge, in the pub last Tuesday night.
The cute creature and I got to know each other. He is certainly a friendly scamp.
He charmed me, of course, although Yorkies are not exactly the sort of dog I would choose. They’re a bit camp.
Actually, they are very camp, but what the hell, that sort of thing doesn’t matter any more and when did I care a hoot about my image anyway?
Now this is the snag. Midge (a pedigree Yorkie by the way) is a persistent leaver of ‘little messages’ on the carpets of his owners’ home.
This has been going on for several months, and the couple are heartily fed up with all the doggie doo.
Sometimes the dog will go out to do his business, and the owners dutifully scoop it up and dispose of it as you’d expect of responsible citizens. But ‘once or twice a week’, I’m told, Midge fouls up inside the house.
Now, he is nearly five months old. He ought to have better habits by now. But his owners are out of the house for long hours each day, so maybe he gets lonely or frightened on his own.
If I thought I could get him properly toilet-trained, I’d become Midge’s new master like a shot. And I am actively considering taking him, but I am just not sure yet.
If any dog owner out there could advise me, what to do, I’d be grateful. The toilet situation worries me.
Though I have no experience of keeping a dog, I assure you I would take my responsibility of care very seriously.
I would have the time to take Midge for lots of bracing walks, before work, and every evening too. I could even take him to work with me.
My only fear is that I would occasionally get too drunk to take him for a walk. That could happen, you know, as I lead a crazy rock’n’roll lifestyle.
Midge seems to be quite at home in Hell’s Waiting Room, but I think he might not like it if I drag him along to the loud and lairy Filthy Slags Disco, Birkenhead, which I like to frequent on Thursdays and Fridays.
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Rae wrote...
Hmmmmmmmm although we've never had a dog our cat crapped all over the house every morning due to illness for three weeks. She then pooed on the carpet downstairs each morning for months. She also loved to pee on the bed frequently. However, our vet pointed out that if you feed pets regularly you know when they're going to go so you can let them out accordingly. We persevered and made sure that only the tray was available at these times and it worked. I see what you mean about it being a Yorkie though, I've always seen you as a Bichon Frisee owner myself.
Posted by: Rae | March 6, 2006 2:54 PM