IT IS a neat irony – for those of us living on this side of the Mersey (New Brighton in my case) – that the best views of the Liverpool skyline can be seen only from Wirral.
This paradox has not escaped artists over the years, who know the best view they will get of any city will be from across the other side of any available river, lake or sea channel.
Or from atop a hill way outside the city.
So it is that the best views of London, which is a gorgeously cinematic city, come to those who walk on the South Bank or stroll on Hampstead Heath.
Oi! That doesn’t mean you, George Michael.

The best views of Manhatten are from the New Jersey shoreline.
And the very best views of Liverpool, actually, come from the New Brighton, Magazines and Egremont promenades.
The view from the ferry landing in Birkenhead isn’t nearly so magical. That’s because you are a bit too close to Liverpool, and anyway you can never quite forget, as you take in the view, that you are standing in one of England’s ugliest towns … Birkenhead.
Despite starting with an elegant grid pattern of streets when the town was first developed, Birkenhead has always tended to get uglier and uglier with the passing of years.
Wirral Council’s “improvements” of recent years have succeeded only in making Birkenhead look worse than ever – all those ghastly shopping malls, messy traffic junctions, meaningless public spaces and soulless office blocks.
Look at Europa Boulevard – did you ever see a more boring street anywhere?
So I can’t help but be both amused and appalled by Wirral Council’s latest proposals to tart up the section of Birkenhead’s riverfront which faces the Three Graces in Liverpool.
Doubtless my council tax contributions, and those of thousands of others, have already been wasted on fees for the planning consultants paid by the council to come up with a “masterplan” for the Woodside area.
There will be a “development spine” running from the Woodside ferry terminal up to Hamilton Square station. The laughable aim is to encourage a wider range of visitors into Birkenhead for the evening.
Oh, come on. I mean come ON! You council wallies and planning idiots. This is Birkenhead we are talking about – not bloody Barcelona.
I fear the worst – a terrible melange of vile concrete and glass carbuncles will be thrown up such as have already ruined Birkenhead town centre.
Hardly anyone will be willing to rent them because they are in such a naff location.
There is a great deal of anger about all of this in Wallasey, where residents know only too well that Wirral Council is only interested in Birkenhead.
New Brighton, for example, has been allowed to die on its arse in the 32 years that this unwieldy council has been in existence.
As for King Street, Egremont, and Seacombe, well, the scale of business failure has been massive.
The once proud communities of Wallasey now look like downtown Beirut – AFTER the recent spate of bombings.
Wallasey people rightly feel let down by the Wirral Council.
Wallasey used to have its own borough council within living memory of the majority of the population.
And those residents know that local living conditions and facilities were much better for them when Wallasey Council was in charge.

IN FACT, some of that local passion and defiant pride in Wallasey was displayed after I performed my poem “New Brighton” in the Nelson pub, Egremont, last Thursday night (Jul 27).
That poem has appeared in this blog, so you can read it in full in the archive for June.
But here is a quick snatch from it …

So take our monumental past,
Of happy memories which last,
And smash it, smash it really fast,
Leaving piles of dust.

Tower and ferry are no more,
Holiday-makers, shown the door.
A seaside town without a core.
Who now can we trust?

See the clown astride the highway,
His sad smile says this is my day
To do things Wirral Council’s way.
Must New Brighton die?

Sad resort we can’t be saving,
Public money we must be craving,
For Birkenhead's crazy paving.
So resort, goodbye.

Thursday was the first time in years I have performed my poems publicly and I was pleased with the results. One bloke came up to me afterwards and said: “You are dead right about the council – they are useless b******s.”
Well, they don’t mince their words in Egremont.
It was a regular Open Mike event I was attending, one organised / promoted by Popstar Paul, my chum from Hell’s Waiting Room, New Brighton.
He’s a very good singer/guitarist, particularly of Oasis and Paul Weller stuff, and on Thursday there was another lad there who did some pleasing medleys of Eagles songs plus a smiley geezer with a great gravelly voice who did some cracking pop crowd-pleasers.
There was even a bit of dancing going on. The open mike night takes place in the back room of the Nelson. There’s a little stage there and it’s a cosy little venue.
It’s a good scene, try it – every Thursday night from 8.30pm.
Of one thing I’m sure. You’ll find more real culture in the battered backstreets of Egremont and New Brighton than you ever will in the council-designed sterile wastelands of central Birkenhead.
I’m hoping be at the Nelson next Thursday (Aug 3) to perform a rap poem about my previous life in Islington, London.
My potty-mouthed little friend from New Brighton, Mini-Marvin, says he will provide a soundtrack for it.
Hey, keep it real down on the streets.
Till next time – Viva Wallasey!

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