SO I went for a late bevy (let's call it my nightly sleeping draught) in Hell's Waiting Room, New Brighton, last night.
While in there sipping red wine and Southern Comfort, I was told by Mini Marvin about a real-life bizarre incident which raised a titter.
The tale concerns a late night van journey made by Corky, the frontman with Gaelic folk rock band, Reckessly Hellbent.
At 2 in the morning Corky, and band member Big Bob, had been driving through the centre of Birkenhead when he saw a lion strolling along the pavement...

Closer inspection revealed the lion to be, in fact, a man in a lion costume - still quite a rare sight at that hour on the streets of the one-eyed city.
So Corky pulled over, wound his window down and greeted the man thus: "Hello, mate, are you looking for the yellow brick road?" I wish I could think of funny one-liners like that.
I was also entertained in the pub by the account of life in modern schools given to me by Felina, the sixth-former daughter of Annette Kalms.
Felina waxed lyrical after I moaned how, after all my working years (about 25) as a journalist, plus the past three in PR, I have become somewhat weary about media work, what with its pisspoor pay and conditions and all.
My career is beginning to feel like a long stretch of penal servitude, frankly.
So I've been feeling the need for a change of vocation, and, after seeing a flyer about teacher training, I am going to find out more.
To start my research I asked Felina whether she thought I'd be too old to be a teacher, having recently turned 50.
Well not at all, it seems. One of her teachers is 60 and is among the most popular at her Wallasey school.
Another popular teacher at the school is a fortysomething woman who occasionally swears. Felina sometimes bumps into this 'Miss' on the dance floors of Liverpool nightclubs and says that she is 'sooo cool'.
Hmmm. But Felina also confirmed for me that most teachers these days are given a very hard time by piss-taking kids, who know that the teachers aren't allowed to do anything effective to discipline them and daren't even touch them.
Also, some malicious pupils know only too well that if they put in a complaint about a teacher (however spurious it might be) then that can easily wreck the teacher's career.
You can see what minefield the classroom has become for educators.
We live in an era of politically correct reforms, you see, where children and young people's rights get top priority and corporal punishment has been illegal now for some 20 years (that's my take on the situation, by the way, not Felina's).
Now, regular readers will know I think it was very foolish of the UK to ban the use of the cane and the strap in schools.
Young people need to know there is a penalty that will hurt if they kick off and behave in a terrible way.
Young people must be taught the difference between right and wrong and they have to know fear, too, because fear is the beginning of wisdom. Call it tough love, if you like.
But I digress. Felina says there are some teachers who don't have to deal with disruption because the youngsters respect them and don't play up.
These teachers, according to my young friend, are the ones who don't go all 'teacherly' and snooty and pretentious in the classroom; the teachers who don't rant and rave because they don't have to; the teachers who are funny and firm and calm and fair; the teachers who are 'honest about themselves'.
Well, I wonder if I could be such a teacher? We will see. Perhaps I have left things too late to make such a drastic career change.
I sure wouldn't want to be the sort of teacher (i.e. part of the majority) who is daily subjected to the corrosive sarcasm of feral youngsters who know only too well they are untouchable.
And as we have seen recently, many teachers now are at risk of physical assault by thick, out-of-control pupils. Those kids who launch physical assaults on 'Sir' and 'Miss' usually have feckless, violent parents who were themselves poorly educated.
And the awful thing is that teachers are barely allowed - because of the way the law is - to defend themselves against violent attack.
How stupid our society was to abolish corporal punishment in schools in the 1980s.
And yet it was the teachers, and their unions, who were the most vociferous in calling for the ban all those years ago.
Now, if the UK wanted to reintroduce the cane to our schools, we would first have to withdraw from the European Union (which outlaws corporal punishment) and detach ourselves from several international human rights treaties we have signed (which look with liberal horror on the beating children in any form).

* POETRY UPDATE. Apologies to Barman Burly from Hell's Waiting Room who wanted me to publish a poem he had written to commemorate St George's Day. Two things ...
(A) I lost the hard copy of the poem that Burly gave me.
(B) I don't necessarily think this blog is the best place for poems. Well, not for other people's poems, anyway. A blog is a kind of personal diary. If people want to use a blog to publish poetry they should launch a blog of their own - anyone can start one for free. There are quite a few hosting sites around.

* MORE IMPORTANTLY... our local poetry group, The Bards of New Brighton, now meets in the Magazine ('the Mags') pub in Magazine Brow, New Brighton, on the second Monday of every month, starting at 8pm. All poets and creative writers are welcome to come along and read out / perform their work. It is a friendly, supportive atmosphere.

• Post to:
•  del.icio.us
•  Digg
•  Newsvine
•  Nowpublic
•  Reddit