JUST look at what passes for entertainment on the telly these days …
* Poncey cookery shows
* Dismal how-to-do-up property abroad strands
* Rubbish about young people ‘marooned’ on a desert island
* Elimination shows based on so-called singers auditioning for parts in worthless, derivative, musical theatre
* Hollyoaks – so bland they had to set it in Chester
* Pop Idol-style karaoke kack
* Clip shows of animals falling off window ledges and fat-bottomed women wrecking garden furniture by sitting on it
* ‘Celebrities’ having to train dogs, or eat bugs in the jungle or skate while wearing ridiculous tangerine leotards (yawn, yawn, yawn)
* Bill Oddie in anything
* Graham Norton, ditto
* Alan Bloody Titchmarsh, ditto
* Wildlife pornography shows
* Shows about storms and extreme weather
I do wish television executives would get real about their medium. It is essentially only suitable for drama and entertainment, and not for art or serious journalism or cultural commentary.
The trouble is the modern generation of TV bosses can’t even get entertainment and drama right.
Why, for instance, don’t commissioning editors hire the wealth of comic and musical talent that exists in our country to perform in prime time?
Why don’t we get to see the actors, the comedians, the dancers, the genuine, mature singers, and the magicians and novelty acts on mainstream TV?
Well, the uncomfortable fact is that TV bosses are invariably London-centric, left wing / liberal, middle class plonkers who hate their own country and its vulgar traditions of entertainment.
They have been trying to bury home grown entertainment for years, preferring instead to commission endless copycat ‘people’ shows or buy in duff American series full of (for Brit viewers) irrelevant US cultural references.
I ask you: has anyone found anything even slightly entertaining about Ugly Betty on C4?
In terms of drama, I will admit that British TV still has a few rather good serials, though there has been a dumbing down and stretching of quality in soap operas.
That point was made recently by the screenwriter Paul Abbott, who was a writer on Coronation Street and Cracker and has since created Shameless for C4.
He reckons writers have to fight like billy-ho to get gritty drama such as Shameless commissioned in Britain at all, and he contends that our leading TV writers don’t talk to each other because they are too busy doing derivative soaps and dross dramas about cops, doctors and lawyers.
He feels that Coronation Street “can be fantastic� still. But it is “overstretched, like all the soaps�, he says.
Coronation Street, in my view, is the only soap still worth watching. The current storylines about bitterness within the with the Connor family, and about the Barlows splitting up, have been very well written.
And I do like the knowing, wink-wink sauciness of Liz McDonald’s affair.
As for The Bill, the episode show on Wednesday 2 May, was stonkingly good.
Having the detective Mickey Webb thump and draw blood from his nasty, ginger-haired boss, Ch Supt Heaton, was highly entertaining.
As usual, the soapier elements of The Bill on Wednesday were interlaced with a procedural crime story of great quality and emotional impact.
Then there was the cracking tale Emma’s discovery of the true enraged, abusive personality of her horrid husband Matt. Superb – and, frankly, much better that Paul Abbott’s Shameless has ever been.
It's strange, though, that the two best shows on TV at the moment are both very long-running. Where is all the exciting new TV drama that a culture as riotous, funny, arsey, irreverent and humorous as Britain's really ought to be producing?
*** TALKING of entertainment, I had a very good night out at Pacific Road, Birkenhead, the other week when I saw Karl Lornie and a bunch of other musicians playing soul music.
I might have reached the grand old age of 50, but I was up from my seat and shaking my tail feathers on the dance floor along with all the young (and not so young) female fans who like to throw their drawers at Karl.
I went to the gig with Popstar Paul, who has started an open mike at the Shallow Cutting in New Brighton, and Commuting Mitch and his missus Greta, who, frankly, just like an excuse to cram a load of booze down their screeches.
I must say, however, it seems sick and wrong that you’re not allowed to smoke in a venue such as Pacific Road.
When laid out as a cabaret lounge, as it was for the Lornie soul gig, it is the sort of place where the smoke from bifters adds greatly to the atmosphere.
Still, because the Health Nazis and our Liberal-Fascist MPs have got their way, we won’t be able to smoke in any public, enclosed space from July 7.
Modern life is rubbish.
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Dom wrote...
Welcome back Sam Brady. You have been missed.
REGAN REPLIES *** Hey Dom, cheers. Actually do you know that I really was SAM BRADY on the old ORACLE service? And for several years on the old Teletext service that took over from it. But those b*******s at Teletext sacked me because I wasn't mealy-mouthed enough for their poxy service. STEVE / SAM
Posted by: Dom | May 5, 2007 4:41 PM