IT isn't always a life of glamour and giddy giggles in New Brighton, you know.
Okay, well it is mostly, if you want to know the truth ... and especially when the Massive are in the new Tallulah's Bar.
However, the other night we all piled into our original local, Hell's Waiting Room, not realising that a canine manifestation of pure evil was waiting for us.
At first the creature (whose name, if I remember rightly, is Satan), looked merely cute.
Slowly, I moved to chuck this strangely beguiling dog (pictured above) under its chin...
Now I figure myself to be good with dogs. I intuitively understand they are pack animals and not substitute babies to be tickled and clucked over, the way some folk do.
I know better than to jab my hand into an animal's face, for instance. As I say, I moved my mitt to the chin are of this Lhasa Apso (some sort of Chinese guard dog, apparently) slowly, so as not to alarm the beast.
My technique worked ... the first time I tried it. Satan allowed himself to be stroked by me without complaining.
But when I tried again later, he growled at me, his ears went back, and his eyes grew wild and bewlidered (a bit like the eyes of managers / editors in various newspaper offices where I've worked, whenever I've approach them).
Satan belongs to Jack and hs bird glamorous Joolz, and they did warn us that the dog was a bit nervy in a pub as loud and medieval in character as Hell's Waiting Room. Pity no-one listened.
People kept getting up to pet the dog, and he grew increasingly snappy about being the centre of attention.
There was quite a giddy crowd of us in there ... Billy Bustimes, Dixie the Jazzman, Annette Kalms, Dr Gyggle and Eammon Lairyshirts for starters.
One by one, most people tried to stroke or pet the dog, but it wasn't having any of it.
Only the landlord Mr Craggs was brave enough to pat Satan on the head and not get a hostile response in return.
The critter was quite horrible to Billy Bustimes. Mind you he's used to that. Rumour has it that he married a Dalek.
But the big showdown came when Mrs Excelsis came in from the back room and was delighted to see such a 'cute' dog.
She went eagerly to stroke it and Satan's jaws snapped around her finger. Now Mrs Excelcis is a tough little battler - a veteran survivor of the very bitter Bingo Wars that raged in Hell's Waiting Room a couple of summers ago - and she clearly didn't want to cause a fuss about her injury.
But I was concerned on her behalf. I could see that Satan had drawn blood from her finger.
So I reported the incident to Eleganta Chignon, the landlady, and she bustled off up the back passage to find a plaster and some anti-septic ointment for the injured digit of Mrs Excelis.
You can see the damaged finger in the picture at the top of this posting - after the blood had been cleared up and one of those blue sticking plaster they use in castering establishments had been put on it.
* OK, well this has been fun, but I must get back to putting the world to rights in my next posting, otherwise I will be chastised by Lord Vino for sinfully wasting my talent.
So in the next posting...
* The full shocking extent of the shameful treatment of good-hearted Catholics in New Brighton by the Diocese of Shrewsbury!
* How the cops and councils are getting it all wrong with their crazy spying and coercian campaigns aimed against working class people!!
* My Open Letter To God on the theme: Where Humanity Is Going Wrong!!!
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Lord Vino du Matin wrote...
What talent is that, then?
Posted by: Lord Vino du Matin | June 4, 2007 2:33 PM