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Steve Regan is a writer who lives in New Brighton. He’s a performance poet and a rebel. He drinks in a pub he calls Hell’s Waiting Room and a late bar known as The Lost Weekend. Steve has an unusual take on modern life – as you’ll discover …

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Intimations of mortality

January 10, 2008 3:15 PM | 

I’VE always been a fairly healthy, if not particularly energetic, sort of guy.
Never had any major health problems … until now.
When I was younger, like most men, I considered myself to be and acted as if I was … immortal.
But just a few days ago I was gripped by the most ferocious headache that left me reeling and staggering about.
It was so bad I had to be taken to Arrowe Park Hospital near Birkenhead where they did all sorts of tests and a brain scan on me.
Yes, they found a brain, thank you.

Now I’ve been told I must avoid stress and worry – easier said than done if you live in 21st century England.
But I am being careful, because what happened really frightened me.
While these headaches are upon me I can’t even read a newspaper or watch television.
And I don’t feel well enough to use a computer, so this posting comes to you via the gentle clickety-clack typing of Posh Boots’ fingers.
I dictated it into a tape recorder for her, you see.
I remember the night before my brain scan. I was in my hospital bed with Posh Boots sat by me.
(She’s been brilliant throughout this, by the way, as have my friends in New Brighton. They’ve all been most solicitous about my welfare, and I’ve been touched by their kindness.)
Well, as I was saying, the docs had told me I’d been going for a brain scan the next day – in case there was “a bleed� in my brain causing the headaches.
So I remember looking up from my bed at Posh Boots’ lovely little face and thinking: “What if I die during the night and never see her face again.�
I couldn’t bear that, I really couldn’t.
Well, that was just me feeling sorry for myself, of course, and the scan detected no bleeding or anything else wrong, as it happens.
I thank God for that but it leaves the cause of my headaches something of a mystery really.
The treatment of chronic headaches is a complex matter, the medics told me.
I’m just hoping mine will calm down if I have a good rest and stop worrying about things.
One thing I know for certain. My blood pressure was through the roof by the time I got to hospital.
Some of the medics reckoned my monster headaches were related to hypertension; other thought they must be caused by something else. But exactly what, they couldn’t tell me for sure.
Anyway they got my blood pressure down, and, after 36 uncomfortable hours in an NHS hospital bed, I was discharged.
The nurses gave me a big bag of drugs to take home with me.
And the upshot is I have to be careful what I eat and drink in future.
It seems my days of carefree living are over and I can no longer consider myself immortal.

Comments (8)

Wallasey Dave wrote...

Hi Steve

Glad you are over the worst. Lets be brutally honest but exceedingly positive. Your age: 50. Average U.K male life expectancy: 77. You and the good lady can fit some bloody good times into that space!

REGAN REPLIED: Ah, Dave, I sure hope so!

Posted by: Wallasey Dave  | January 10, 2008 7:14 PM

Smokehouse wrote...

Hey Steve, welcome to middle age and all the crap that comes with it. Before you know it all those friendly people in white coats will be telling you to cut down on junk food, stop smoking, drinking and most other things that make life worth living. In the words of Mae West "everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening".
As I see it there are two choices either a long and boring life or a short glorious one - he he, joke!
Seriously I am glad to hear that you are OK and you will get used to the ever increasing daily amount of pills you will have to take as the years roll by!
REGAN REPLIED: Cheers, Smokehouse. I am seriously considering the short, glorious approach to life.

Posted by: Smokehouse  | January 11, 2008 2:14 PM

Annette Kalms wrote...

Hi Steve, learning to be stress free and relaxing are hard going. I try hard as I was told the same things when I was diagnosed epileptic over 20 year ago. Now I try and avoid upset, but sometimes it is easier said than done. All I can say is take the medication, avoid trouble and most of all relax, the last thing being the hardest. We all live in a stressful environment.

REGAN REPLIED: You always look relaxed, Annette - as serene as a Buddhist. And on afew rare occasions ... as relaxed as a newt.

Posted by: Annette Kalms  | January 11, 2008 9:59 PM

The History Man wrote...

Steve

I presume you eat and drink every day so taking a tablet every day should not be considered a disaster. I take a fish oil capsule each day as it helps stop age related twinges, it also has the side effect of improving brain function. Do what your doctor has suggested and I am sure you and Posh Boots will have a long and happy life together.

Annette's tablet taking has been a huge help despite a few hiccups at the start. I doubt anyone would know she suffers from epilepsy as the tablets now have it under control. Chin up!

REGAN REPLIED: I take comfort from your advice, oh wise one.

Posted by: The History Man  | January 12, 2008 10:48 AM

New Brighton Newbie wrote...

Sorry, I didn't realise you were that bad, I thought you were speaking more metaphorically when you said you collapsed at work.

One of the keys to handling stress is to put a positive spin on things (Gordon Brown is a bit of an expert in this department :) and the way to look at it is, although it would have been better if it hadn't happened, at least it's given you a chance to make changes to your lifestyle to cut down on whatever is making you ill. Better that than get no warning and drop-down dead without warning in a couple of years!

Another thing I find helps with stress is to consider whether the things you are worrying about will matter in 1, 5, 10 years time? Indeed if you consider that in 100 years time, excluding any major scientific breakthroughs, most of the people currently on the planet will no longer be here. In that context, very little of what we worry about today will have any significance at all.

I used to do some work in an advertising agency, and the girl behind me was always screaming at someone on the phone and getting stressed, one day she went to the company doctor with a headache expecting some paracetamol or something, and was diagnosed with a brain haemorrhage (and not from the staff bar either). She was only in her 30s, and fortunately a month later she was recovered and back at work. But when you consider she nearly killed herself because some TV advert wasn't going to go out on time it makes you think!

Take it easy, hope you're feeling better,

JK

REGAN REPLIED: Very philosophical - thanks for the advice. I hope I'm well enough to perform my space aliens monologue at your music night, planned for The Magnet in Liverpool on Tue 19 Feb.

Posted by: New Brighton Newbie  | January 14, 2008 9:19 AM

Lord Vino du Matin wrote...

Sorry to hear about your turn - not nice. Hope you are better. If you had any assets, I would tell Posh Boots to marry you pronto. I know those intimations of mortality. I am not even Lord Vino du Soir at the moment. Youth is wasted on the young. Whereas I was wasted when I was young.
REGAN REPLIED: And it's a waste of time giving you any advice on healthy living or moderate drinking.

Posted by: Lord Vino du Matin  | January 15, 2008 9:24 AM

Pink Elephant wrote...

Glad you're on the mend angel. I had a brain MRI last year after suffering what they thought was tinnitus. They scared the crap out of me saying it can be a sign of a brain tumour in someone my age, then they waited six weeks to tell me it was fine! (Turns out I have amazingly acute hearing and ringing is my brain getting knackered.) It's bloody scary though so I'm glad you had your young lady around.
REGAN REPLIED: OOOh, Pinky, you poor thing. That must have been scary. My head still hurts but I am cutting down on the pain-killers as from today - mainly because they have been playing havoc with my bowels!

Posted by: Pink Elephant  | January 15, 2008 11:03 AM

Michael George Tate wrote...

Hope you are well on the way to recovery but whatever you do do not give uo the drink. Cut down a bit maybe but not totally. i am offshore in darkest Malaysia but will willingly get you I pint on my return & a bottle of Mateus for Posh!

REGAN REPLIED: Cheers. Good Health. chin chin (hic!) etc.

Posted by: Michael George Tate  | February 16, 2008 11:01 AM

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