Suffer the little children (up to a point...)
RECENTLY I went to Sunday Mass at a church other than my usual one – a so-called family service, starting at 10.30am, rather than my customary 6.30pm one.
Children are encouraged to attend these mid-morning Masses.
I didn’t think I’d mind that – but actually I ended up minding very much...
I arrived on time for the service at St Alban's, Liscard, Wallasey, and, encouragingly enough, the pews were almost full.
I spotted a space somewhere in the middle of the church and shuffled into the pew. The trouble was there were three children, aged from two to five, I’d guess, in the pew with me, accompanied by what I took to be their grandmother.
The children’s mother (or maybe guardian /carer) arrived soon after me with three more of her brood – also toddlers.
The noise and disruption that came from these six kids was incredible. It drove me to distraction.
Two of the mites kept brushing past me, in front and right behind me; another kept pushing her teddy bear into my unappreciative face.
One of the kids had a battery-operated toy which kept making a hideous squawking noise.
One little boy had a toy truck which he kept revving up on an adjoining column – again making a racket.
The two women did make some efforts to hush the kids, but these were British youngsters, so their efforts were ineffectual.
And anyway, why bring small kids to church carrying noisy toys?
I will put up with quite a lot from tots – though I do think most British youngsters behave like awful brats because they are so spoiled.
Almost all parents now spoil their kids by indulging their every whim and pandering to their tantrums.
French and Spanish kids are much better behaved – because they still learn discipline from an early age.
All the same, on Sunday I was determined to put up with the children’s racket and kerfuffle while trying to concentrate on the Mass.
I was mindful of Christ’s own injunction to: “Suffer the little children to come unto me.�
Eventually though, these kids just wore me down. It was after the young lad near me started wailing uncontrollably just as the Mass approached its most solemn section that my patience snapped.
So I got up, walked out of my pew and went down to the back of the church where I heard the rest of service in relative peace and was able to pay due attention.
I’m sure people will have noticed my abrupt departure from the pew, since it is unusual for worshippers to leave their seats well before Mass has ended.
Somewhat embarrassingly, I later passed the younger woman in charge of the noisy kids as I walked back from receiving holy communion. She shot me a meaningful but not unfriendly glance and smiled.
I don’t know if she meant to reproach me with her smile, but, in any case, I feel it is her who really needs to be reproached.
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Steve Regan - Steve Regan is a writer who also runs the Bards of New Brighton poetry and music club, which meets at the Magazine pub, New Brighton, on the second Monday of every month. starting at 8pm. Free admission
Sorry, Steve, but I could hardly keep a straight face reading that. You, of all people, whingeing about anyone (even kids) throwing tantrums in public!!!! The words "kettle", "black" and "pot" spring to mind...
REGAN REPLIED: I'll consider myself suitably chastised then - you po-faced, lemon-sucking Kirk person. How was the Roddy Frame concert, by the way?
I find it amazing that the kids didn't complain about Steve's behaviour.
REGAN REPLIED: Honestly, Mark, have you ever known my behaviour be anything other than unimpeachable!
Steve, while I agree children being badly behaved in church is a pain, sometimes people do want to go to church and because times are not done to accommodate everyone anymore there is only one service to go to. It is not an ideal situation but one not a lot can be done about.
REGAN REPLIED: That's very accepting of you, Annette, as I'd expect. XX.
Good to see you on fine blogging form again!
Your posting on global warming and plastic bags gave me an idea for another monolouge/rant for next poetry meeting, is it this Wednesday?
The church we used to go to in Finchley had 3 or 4 services, only one of them allocated to kids, and half the service the kids went to a seperate room for teachings they can understand, that usually involved colouring in! Must be a nightmare if there is only 1 service for everyone.
I think French (and probably other continental) kids are better behaved because people tend to socialise as a family unit much more than we do in Britain, and the older generations won't tolerate any nonsense. My other half's dad scares ME let alone the kids :) Over here we tend to think we know it all and rebuke any attempts by parents/grandparents sticking their oar in.
As a result, every generation is that bit less disciplined than the generation before!
I think also when both parents work, there seems to be a tendancy to spoil the kids more to compensate, I didn't see so much of that when we lived in France.
REGAN REPLIED: I bet you and the missus are brilliant parents.
Well I understand your point - six kids can make a lot of noise. Maybe kids could be better behaved but then, well, so could a lot of adults.
There is a pub/restaurant down my way that has banned children. It's one of those awful chains that sells more food than beer to be honest. It used to be a family place where I could take my kids and have a fairly bad meal and a pint of flat warm lager.
I'm sure you know the type of gaff.
We used to enjoy the relaxed atmosphere and going with the kids every now and again. Now they've banned them I think they are onto a loser. The pub is in the middle of surburbia and not everyone hates kids!
I for one will never go in there again.
Why? Because by banning my family they have banned me. Once scorned and all that.
Would a restuarant in Spain ban kids? Never. And I doubt it's because they are better behaved over there. It's because people love kids in Spain and would never dream of excluding them from places just because they make a bit of noise. Some of our values are all wrong in Britain.
Anyway that's my beef. Maybe you'll just have to vote with your feet and stick to the evening service. Just like I will never darken the door of that pub again.
REGAN REPLIED: Thanks for those thoughts, Brian. Hope you find another tatty, relaxed boozer soon where you can slump with the kids.
My parents' church has the service piped into the lady chapel so parents can take restless children in there, hear the service and spare others their children's annoying wails. I, for one, don't approve. I grew up in an american fundamentalist religion where services went on for up to four hours. Children were 'blanket trained' and there was a room set aside for smacking any children that couldn't sit still and be quiet. It didn't do me any harm! (Actually it did, but on the plus side I am an expert at sitting still and quiet in boring circumstances as a result.)
REGAN REPLIED: Course you can sit still ijn boring circumstances, Pinky. You, like me, worked on the Methodist Recorder - excellent training.
Steve what can I say. I am in total agreement with you. Maybe it's my age but I was brought up in an era when children where seen and not heard, my dad went to work and fixed my bike when it was broken and mum stayed at home and baked cakes and applied bandages when needed. I know I am a dinosaur and I am unlikely to change but I don't see anything wrong with the way I was brought up or the kind of person I have turned out to be. It is true as some of your regular contributors have pointed out that things on the continent are different. People may be more tolerant across the channel but children there also appear have a greater degree of respect. The only good thing about your misfortune is that the lady in question actually took her children to church. I hope that being slightly noisy is the worst that that these young kids turn out to be. As you know I am an Aetheist who at best may turn out to be an Agnostic but I respect and admire any one who has belief. It can be hoped that these kids will continue to attend church and one day find comfort through prayer in the same way as you have.
Take care mate and my regards to Poshboots.
REGAN REPLIED: Ahh, thanks for that, Smokehouse. Always good to hear from you. Keep the, erm, faith!
A difficult one. I suppose the issue is consideration for other people's feelings, and respect for a place of worship, whatever the creed.
Unfortunately not everyone has an idyllic childhood, and bringing up children is kinda difficult ;0) especially when you have to do it alone. Today's society is a hard place in which to introduce guidelines, and yes - I have on occasion been ashamed to be British when I see how a few UK families behave abroad. But it's not all bad.
However - How do you teach children discipline and respect if they are not shown what is right and wrong, or where the boundaries lie?
Letting them disturb others in church is in my view NOT acceptable, but neither is excluding them completely.
Whenever I have been in this dilemma, I took my children to the back of the church, and they were not brought back to sit with everyone until they were quiet. How else do they learn??
I also feel that individual churches could be far more proactive, by setting some guidelines, and as I think one of your readers suggested having a 'time out' area for children. Some of them do. It is not a violation of human rights to say, hang on, this is what is expected of you when you attend a church service/place of worship Children have rights, but so do adults.
On a lighter note, I cant help wondering how Steve copes with busy supermarkets!!!
REGAN REPLIED: Generally, I think supermarkets are evil, but I did have a nice experience in one just recently. In fact, it is the subject of the new posting I've just put up.